Monday, December 18, 2006

Neturei Karta - from Out of this World!

1. The Unworldly Neturei Karta
By Steven Plaut

In one of the most remarkable scientific discoveries of all time, a
CD-Rom containing the protocols of a high-level secret meeting of NASA,
the American space agency, has just been leaked to the media. The content
of that meeting is so dramatic that it is likely to change the entire
course of human history.

We bring you the highlights of that meeting as a special service to
our readers:

Commander Nishtikeit, chief of NASA control: I would like to thank all
of you senior military officers and scientists for attending this meeting
today on such short notice. NASA control center has decided to release to
the nation and world information on what may be the most astounding
discovery in all of human history. It seems that ironclad evidence has
now been uncovered of the presence on earth of humanoid cyborgs, that is,
cybernetic robots that look vaguely human but were constructed in a
different galaxy and transported here.

Dr. Trombenick, Massachusetts Institute of Technology: But there have
been urban legends about such things for years. There were numerous
internet reports that the Governor of California and Reverend Al Sharpton
are really cyborgs, but these proved baseless.

Commander Nishtikeit: Yes, we know all about that. But this time we have
absolute proof. It seems a bizarre looking space travel vehicle has
carried cyborgs into our galaxy and has deposited two or three hundred of
them right here on earth.

General Lemeshkeh, US Air Force: What form do these alien contraptions

Commander Nishtikeit: That is the most bizarre part of the story. It
seems the space ship, which looks amazingly like a large flying bagel, had
earlier been beaming up earth images in order to design its cyborgs to
look like earthlings. Its tele-imaging processor was focused on several
neighborhoods on earth, just east of the East River. Yes, all those
people looking for signs of aliens in Roswell, New Mexico, had things
wrong. The aliens just wanted their cyborgs to look just like earthlings
and to be able to pass as humans, so they designed them to look exactly
like ultra-Orthodox Jews from Brooklyn.

Colonel Muttelmessig, US Navy: Are you serious? This is not something
out of an old Woody Allen movie?

Commander Nishtikeit: Absolutely serious! The aliens planted these
cyborgs on earth dressed like Chareidi ultra-Orthodox Jews, in black
coats, with beards and side curls and hats, and called them the Neturei
Karta. It seems they picked that name up from listening to broadcast of
an earthling in Brooklyn referring to someone as a Notorious Karger, but
they botched up the words.

Professor Shikker, Caltech: You mean those Neturei Karta people who have
been protesting in favor of destroying Israel and who even attended the
Holocaust Denial conference in Iran are in reality humanoid cyborgs placed
on earth as part of a devious plan of planetary infiltration?

Commander Nishtikeit: You have put your finger right on it! In a sense,
we all should have realized this much sooner. After all, only a group of
space aliens could have thought that Nazis with Payot, dressed outwardly
as religious Jews, could pull the wool over the eyes of actual humans.
Virtually no Jews on earth even recognize the Neturei Karta as Jews, and
until our discovery the Jews regarded them as some sort of pagan cult in
religious garb. The Neturei Karta members seem to know virtually nothing
about Judaism, other than two or three sentences from the Gemara, which
they cite obsessively out of context to prove that Israel must be
destroyed. A number of terrestrial Rabbis, including Israel.s Ashkenazi
Chief Rabbi Yona Metzger, have initiated efforts to excommunicate members
of this pro-terror anti-Semitic Neturei Karta sect. Israeli Rabbis of the
"Save the Nation and Land" group have made a similar call. Former
Ashkenazi Chief Rabbi Yisrael Meir Lau, a child Holocaust survivor who is
currently the Chief Rabbi of Tel Aviv declared, "It is something
completely insane. Is it conceivable that any Jew, for whatever reason,
would support a Holocaust denier in a generation when people with numbers
tattooed on their arms are still among us? It is an insanity that has no
justification and no explanation.. Even the Eida Hareidit, an
anti-Zionist Jerusalem-based council of Hassidic courts and other
religious groups which includes the Neturei Karta, was dramatically harsh
in its condemnation of the cyborgs who went to Iran to sit beneath the

Dr. Trombenick: Is that how you caught on to the alien scheme in the
first place?

Commander Nishtikeit: Well, that was part of it. Now that we know the
truth, we are kicking ourselves for not seeing all the indicators earlier,
showing that the Neturei Karta are really cyborgs from another galaxy.
The Jews on earth quickly realized these were not real Jews, but very few
figured out that they are not even mammals.

Capyain Shvindeldik: But something here is puzzling. If these space
aliens are so technically advanced, how could they have made such a
foolish error as constructing robots for placement on earth that look
outwardly like religious Jews yet behave like Nazis?

Professor Shtiklech, Princeton University: Maybe, in spite of their
ability to undertake inter-galactic travel, they are really not that
bright after all? After all, why would creatures having an electronic GPS
or Galactic Positioning System need to construct all those crop circles in
order to navigate around the Midwest?

Commander Nishtikeit: Well, that is one possibility. Another may be
that their instruments were damaged when the Flying Bagel entered earth's
atmosphere. We have some evidence that the original design for the
cyborgs was for creatures with 6 arms, but their spaceship commander
realized that these would be quickly recognized as frauds because they
would not know on which arms to put tefillin.

Major Shlumperdik, his deputy: They seem to have made other strategic
errors as well. They placed these cyborgs on earth with no visible means
of support. So once earthbound, the cyborgs ran to terrorist
organizations, neo-nazi groups, and Holocaust Denial conferences in order
to raise money to support themselves. One would think that beings from a
superior civilization would have figured out a better cover for their

Dr. Trombenick: But if they look so much like actual Orthodox Jews, how
can they be distinguished from the real thing?

Commander Nishtikeit: Well, there are several ways. First, when struck
upon the head with a large rolling pin, nothing seems to happen to them.
The pin just bounces off. Their heads seem to be constructed from some
special space alloy into which nothing can permeate. Second, when
looking closely at their scalps, one can see that they used to have three
antennae there, which were somehow surgically removed before the machines
were deposited on earth. In addition, their mid-sections seem to be built
with another special alien alloy. That is why they seem to be the only
ones on earth whose digestive systems are unaffected by eating large
portions of chulent.

General Lemeshkeh: So how should we earthlings communicate or interact
with them and try to make friends?

Major Shlumperdik: Well, there is always that rolling pin idea I
mentioned earlier. But other than that, the best strategy seems to be to
make little tinfoil antennae and glue them on to one's head or hat when
approaching these aliens. You know, to show them that we have no hostile
intentions and want to welcome them on our planet. But then we need to
make clicking space static sounds, demand to be taken to their leader, and
ask them to take us for a tour of their spaceship.

Commander Nishtikeit: I wonder if I can get one of them to teach me how
to program my DVD machine.

(assembly dismissed)

2. "Rabbi" claims Holocaust dead "deserved it"

Maurice Chittenden,
The Sunday Times,
December 17, 2006

A British rabbi who angered fellow Jews by speaking at a "Holocaust
denial" conference in Iran now says millions did die in gas chambers
but may have deserved it.

Ahron Cohen, an Orthodox Jew from Greater Manchester and a leading
member of the anti-Zionist Neturei Karta movement, sparked new
controversy on his return from Tehran by suggesting that God would have
saved the victims of the Nazis if they had deserved to live.

Cohen, whose house in Salford was pelted with 1,000 eggs last year
because of his extremist views, told The Sunday Times: .There is no
question that there was a Holocaust and gas chambers. There are too
many eyewitnesses.

.However, our approach is that when one suffers, the one who
perpetrates the suffering is obviously guilty but he will never succeed
if the victim did not deserve it in one way or another.

.We have to look within to improve and try to better ourselves and
remove those characteristics or actions that may have been the cause of
the success of the Holocaust..

Cohen.s trip to Tehran . along with four American rabbis from the same
sect . was paid for by the Iranian foreign ministry, which organised
the conference entitled The Holocaust: A Global Vision. They were
warmly greeted by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Iranian president, and had
two meetings with him.

Cohen ended his speech to the conference with a prayer .that the
underlying cause of strife and bloodshed in the Middle East, namely the
state known as Israel, be totally and peacefully dissolved..

The rabbi claimed .learned gentlemen from both sides of the fence. were
at the latest conference. They included David Duke, former .imperial
wizard. of the Ku Klux Klan.

Cohen said on his return: .President Ahmadinejad is not a man of war.
He is a man of peace. I have received criticism for meeting him and
attending the conference, but Jewish people are adopting an attitude of
criticism from an emotional point of view, not a logical or sensible

.We know there was a Holocaust. We lived through it. I had relatives
who died in it . . . But in no way must the Holocaust be used to
further the aims of the Zionist concept..

Rabbi Yehuda Brodie, registrar of the Jewish Ecclesiastical Court for
Greater Manchester, said: .Rabbi Cohen has for a long time been
ostracised by the vast majority of Jews for associating with and thus
giving support and legitimacy to the enemies of Israel and the Jewish

.He represents an insignificant minority. His involvement is a stab in
the heart of the Jewish community and of all decent law-abiding

Sunday > December 17 > 2006
Neturei Karta: Israel's Jewish enemy
National Post

4. Arabs in the Shoah:

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