Sunday, April 01, 2007

About That One Goat

1. The Passover Seder ends with the Had Gadya song. A sort of Jewish
version of "There was an Old Woman who Swallowed a Fly, and I don't know

The words are in Aramaic, but the meaning familiar to most Jews.
Originally only in Ashkenazi Passover Hagadot, it has become more or less
a universal component of Passover for all.

The kid or small goat purchased by Father for two "ZUZ" coins, is then
eaten by the cat, which is bitten by the dog, which is beaten by the
staff, which is burned by the fire, which is extinguished by the water,
which is drunk up by the bull, which is slaughtered by the butcher, who is
killed by the Angel of Death, who in turn is killed by the Holy One
Blessed is He.

A Jewish nonsense song? A children's chant no more meaningful than
Barnacle Bill the Sailor?

Not quite.

Rabbi Haim Joseph David Azolay, better known as the HID"A, was born in
Jerusalem in 1724 and later lived in Livorno, Italy. One of the great
sages of his time, he wrote about many subjects, including the Passover
Hagada. Hearing that someone had mocked the song lightheadedly, the Rabbi
was enraged and ordered that person shunned.

And here is why.

The father with the two coins is Jacob. Joseph is the young goat, whose
father, Jacob, unwittingly causes the exile to Egypt through spending an
extra two coins on the silk for Joseph's clothing, triggering the jealous
hatred of his brothers, who sell Joseph into slavery. The cat is the wife
of Joseph's task master in Egypt, Potiphar, who tries to seduce him and
then falsely accuses him of attempted rape. The dog is Pharaoh, who
releases Joseph from prison where he has been placed due to the false
accusations of the cat. The staff that beats the dog is Moses' staff,
used for signs and for triggering some of the plagues. The fire is the
spiritual weakness and defeatism of the Israelites in Egyptian slavery,
which quenches the message conveyed by Moses' staff. The water that
extinguishes the fire of defeatism is the Torah at Sinai, often compared
to water in Rabbinic metaphor. The bull that drinks up the water is the
Golden Calf. The butcher who kills the bull is Moses. The Angel of Death
later kills Moses, for none are immortal, not even Moses. The Holy One
Blessed is He kills the Angel of Death by making Israel eternal.

May the Holy One Blessed be He also provide a remedy to the defeatism of
the 21st century!

2. Haim Ramon, one of the godfathers of the Oslo debacle and inventor
of Israel's bolshevik "National Health Insurance" law, one-time Israeli
Minister of Health and then Minister of Justice, mentor who thrust Amir
Peretz into senior political positions, was convicted of sexual
harassment of a young soldier. Now Ehud Olmert wants to bring him back
into the cabinet as Minister of Finance.

I would like to see billboards around the country that read: "I would
rather have Haim Ramon's tongue in my mouth than his hand in my wallet!"

3. In modern Hebrew slang, the word "Shtinker" means Stinker, but it
often used to apply to informants, people providing information to the
authorities or to the enemy.
Meet Teddy the Shtinker:,7340,L-3382779,00.html

4. Canadian paper praises Israeli women, no violent response yet from

5. Special Tikkun Passover Message:
This year - Make Your Passover Seder an Inter-Galactic One

Important Passover Message from Mikey Lerner and the Entire Staff of
Tikkun Magazine, the Jewish New Age pro-LSD Magazine:

A few years back, Tikkun's Rabbi Arthur Woodstock issued a call to make it
a multicultural Passover Seder that year: in other words - a mix of
Judaism and PC paganism.

Well, this year the Tikkun magazine has issued a new call for all Jews:
You all should make yours a Multi-Galactic Seder!!!!

Yes, this is the year to invite assorted beings from other planets to your
spacy politically-correct Seder, to prove your devotion to multi-galactic
understanding and stamping out speciesism along with SUVs.

The guests will join in and participate in the many traditional
Tikkunesque Passover traditions.

First, the Seder begins with the washing of the hands, or - in the case of
visitors from Vulcan - the tentacles.

Then the guests dine on lamb's legs made from vegan tofu. The Seder later
ends with the munching of traditional holiday Tikkun macaroons, made out
of matsos flour and hashish. Served on recyclable dinner bowls.

Now to help make your Tikkun Passover multi-galactic Seder complete,
"Rabbis"Arthur Woodstock and Michael of Meaning have rewritten the
Passover song "Who knows One?"

Here is how the new version will go:

Who knows One? I know One!
One is the greatest Rabbi of all time, the Rebbe Jerry Garcia Shlita.

Who knows Two? I know Two!
Two is Rabbi Cheech and Rabbi Chong, who seem to write most of the
articles for Tikkun magazine. (Alternative version ? Two is Two States for
Two Peoples: the Jordanian "people" and the Palestinian "people".)

Who knows Three? I know Three!
Three is the number of square meters Israel should be left with after
adopting policies advocated by Tikkun.

Who knows Four? I know Four!
Four is the greatest sages of Torah learning of all time, according to
Tikkun: Rabbis John, Paul, George and Ringo.

Who knows Five? I know Five!
Five is the five genders officially proclaimed by Hillary (back when
Lerner was her temporary guru of Meaning) at the International Wymmyn's
Conference in Beijing, fully endorsed by Tikkun.

Who knows Six? I know Six!
Six is the SIX-TIES, my Heavy Tikkun Dude!

Who knows Seven? I know Seven!
Seven is the seven basic nutritional groups required to make you happy and
healthy progressive, namely: cannabis, marijuana, hashish, pot, weed,
grass,and dope.

Who knows Eight? I know Eight!
Eight is the number of people who really read Tikkun magazine.

Who knows nine? I know nine.
Nine is the number of people on earth who actually regard Mikey Lerner as
a Rabbi, no matter what Newsweek thinks.

Who knows ten? I know ten.
Ten is the median IQ score for Tikkun readers.

Who knows eleven? I know eleven.
Eleven is the number of the Eleventh Commandment: "Thou Shalt Be Trendy!"

Who knows twelve? I know twelve.
Twelve is the number of times Michael Lerner can say "loving and caring"
in a minute (the lowest number of times, that is).

Who knows thirteen? I know thirteen.
Thirteen is the number of sentences from the entire Bible that Tikkun
editors have actually read.

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