Zionist Conspiracy

As you know, Ehud Barak, the "most decorated Israeli general," who dropped
4000 katyusha rockets on northern Israel last summer when he ordered
Israel's withdrawal from southern Lebanon in 2000, is again running for
Prime Minister. As the head of the Israeli Labor Party.

Barak is desperately looking for a new campaign jingle. Being a helpful
bloke - I thought I would help him out.

To understand it, you need to recall Barak's declaration in 1998 that if
he had been born an Arab he may well have become a terrorist. [If you
think I invented that citation, check out CNN here:

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0306/25/se.13.html

and also this:

http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node=Ehud%20Barak ]

My proposed campaign song for Reb Ehud is based on the wonderful "If I
Were a Rich Man", from Fiddler on the Roof. (Unfortunately Tevye is NOT
running for Israeli Prime Minister this year).

Ready? Here goes!

"Dear God, you so made many, many cowardly people.
I realize, of course, that it's no shame to be a coward.
But it's no great honor either!
So, what would have been so terrible if I had a small dose of gumption?"
(music)

If I were a terrorist,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bomb.
If I were a Hamas man.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy bomber bum,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle BOMB.

I'd have a big tall house with virgins by the dozen,
Right in the midst of Gaza town.
A fine tin roof with real al-Qassams below.
There would be one long rocket just going up,
And one even longer coming down,
And one more leading nowhere, just for show.

I'd fill my yard with chicks and turkeys and other Labor chiefs,
For all the town to see and hear.
And each loud "cheep" and "squawk" and "honk" and "quack"
Would ring like a Qassam in my ear,
As if to say "Here lives a tanzim man."

If I were a terrorist,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bomb.
If I were a Hamas man.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy bomber bum,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle BOMB.

The most important men in town would come to fawn on me!
They would ask me to be appeased by them,
Like Shimon Peres the Kind.
"If you please, Reb Ehud..."
"Pardon me, Reb Ehud..."
Posing problems that would cross a tanzim's mind!
And it won't make one bit of difference if I answer war or peace.
When you're me, they think you really know!

If I were a terrorist,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bomb.
If I were a Hamas man.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy bomber bum,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle BOMB.

Lord who made the lion and the lamb,
You decreed I should be what I am.
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan?
If I were a ter-ror-ist!!!