Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Flash! Breaking News! Hannah Arrested by SHABAK for Moving her Lips!

1. Flash! Hannah is arrested by the SHABAK for moving her lips
while praying!

As you know, the new policy of the Olmert junta and the Israeli government
is that Jews may not move their lips while visiting the Temple Mount. The
reason is that the Moslem jihadniks who have been granted hegemony over
Judaism's most holy place might be offended if they think any Jew up there
is praying. To avoid offending their delicate sensitivities, the Public
Security Minister Avi Dichter recently wrote MKs Uri Ariel and Aryeh Eldad
(National Union-NRP), that no Jew is allowed to pray in any overt
manner whatsoever on the Temple Mount, even if he is just moving his lips
in prayer. For details, see

No, it is not a joke. It is not clear why Dichter does not save time and
propose that all Jews in Israel wear yellow stars so they can be easily
spotted if they pray illicitly.

Now, like you, I find this all a bit strange. After all, why limit the
prohibition on Jews moving their lips to the Temple Mount? There are
whole neighborhoods in Jerusalem, er - I mean al-Quds, in which there are
distinct dangers that Jewish drivers might be engaged in drive-by
prayings. But then again, if no Jew anywhere in Jerusalem were permitted
to move his lips, then how would all those politicians lie?

The first priority now, however, should be to correct some scribe errors
in the first book of Samuel. As you recall, some misconceptions have
crept into the official version of events as related in the first chapter
of that book. Hence, we thought we should set the record straight about
what really happened there! Here goes:

There is this dude, see, named Elkanah from the tribe of Efraim, who is
practicing zero population growth and refusing to drive a SUV in order to
save the rain forests. His wife Hannah however wants a kid, due to her
brainwashing by the patriarchal anti-feminist capitalist media. So she
bikes over to Shiloh with Critical Mass in order to save energy. And
while she is there, she goes into a sanctuary. But she then blatantly
defies the official Israelite rules of engagement with the Canaanites and
she moves her lips while inside! Well, Eli the clergydude there is
outraged and he calls in the Philistine cops. They burst into the place
and Mirandize Hannah.

"You are hereby arrested under suspicion of having moved your lips while
standing in an occupied territory," they tell her, "and anything you say
while not moving your lips can be used against you in a Sanhedrin of law."

Well, poor Hannah does not know what to do. "You idiots," she cries out
at her captors, "I was just standing here minding my own business and
asking the Big Guy up there to help me have a baby."

"That's it," says the police chief. "She has just settled her own fate by
repeating the offense right here in front of us and moving her lips. Off
to the dungeon with her!"

2. I thought this was really funny:

NOTE: This blog post is for mature adults only.
You have been warned.

Thanks to David Landau's suggestion to Condi Rice, we now have some new
additions to the political lexicon of Middle East Peace:

we start with:

intervention - gentle pressure to remove Israel from its security belt and
historical homeland.

rape - vigorous pressure to do same.

and continue:

afterglow - The good feeling experienced after being massaged by the US
Ambassador in that you have been invited to attend an exclusive gathering
at his home to meet and discuss political matters with the long-legged
Secretary of State.

dysfunction - when a person of left-leaning, radical, progressive ideology
suggests how peace can be achieved.

exhibitionism - bragging to the media that you've had a wet-dream fantasy
about the afore-mentioned Sectretary of State.

menage a trois - when David Landau will next invite his paper's owner,
Amos Schocken who suggested cancelling HaTikvah as Israel national anthem,
to meet with afore-mentioned, et. al.

missionary position - how David Landau sits in his editor's chair.

sexually transmitted disease - reading Haaretz.

venereal disease - reading Haaretz's editorials.

Any more suggestions will be welcomed.
Posted By YMedad to My Right Word at 12/28/2007 12:02:00 PM

3. Ex-nazi Uri Avnery from the Far Left demonizes Yossi Beilin from the
Far Left. Let's arm them both!:

Extremist-Leftist Lies and Lethal Legacies (Lenin's "Useful Idiots")

(Special Analysis of extremist Micah Leshem, psychology, University of

5. Israeli academics who help the worldwide jihad[id]=7825&cookie_lang=en&the_session_id=6b42e59a7750e5f4a5515869b6f730fe


Monday, December 31, 2007
No rapes in IDF: World outrage at Zionist Racism
A report claiming that Israeli soldiers do not rape Palestinian Arab women
as part of a sinister racist Zionist plot (see Help! Rape!) has stirred
the outrage of world media. Human rights organizations and Palestinian
groups greeted the latest evidence of Zionist racism with justifiable
rage. Major reactions:

The UN Human Rights Committee, on the initiative of Special Raporteur John
Dugard, passed three resolutions condemning Israel for gross Human Rights
violations. Commented Dugard, "There is no avoiding the facts. The study
showed an appalling and brutal lack of rape on the part of the IDF. Those
people are inhuman. When will the world wake up to the depths of Zionist

Jewish activist Ben Murrain said, "I am ashamed to be a Jew. This is not
the Judaism I know. I was taught to rape everyone."

Rabbi Michael Lerner, spiritual leader of Tikkun, lamented, "This is
Judaism? Where is compassion for the other? Where is Tikkun Olam? Where is
Ahavas Hazulat? Where is the Shukeenah? The insensitivity of Israeli
soldiers to the charms of Palestinian Arab women shows how the occupation
has dehumanized those Israelis and distanced them from the humanistic
values of Judaism.

By a vote of 143 to 3 (USA, Israel, Micronesia) with 6 abstentions, the UN
General Assembly passed a Saudi Arabian initiated resolution condemning
Zionism as racism and appointed a committee to monitor the incidence of
rape in the IDF and ensure that as many Palestinian Arab women are raped
as Israeli Jews. Saudi spokesman Abdul Wahabi Salafi noted, "In our
country, we know how to treat women. According to reports, not only does
the IDF not rape women, but the Zionist dog judges don't order beatings
for raped women either. We are also investigating reports that the racist
Zionist regime doesn't allow wife beating. This is an abridgement of
Muslim freedom of religion. We will submit a separate resolution about
that human rights violation."

Jews against Zionism spokesman Mendel Parashivizhid, back from kissing
Mamoud Ahmadinejad, commented, "Typical of those racist Zionists. Not like
us true tora Jews - the Netureh Karteh. We'll rape anyone."

Queers for Palestine commented, "The Zionist racist report didn't even
mention rape of men. Apparently, the evil IOF don't do that at all. It is

Palestinian Center for Human Rights (PCHR) demanded a special commission
to investigate the heinous crime of non-rape of Palestinian women by the
IOF (Israel Occupation Forces).

Amnesty International declared that failure to rape Palestinian women had
caused an acute humanitarian crisis in Gaza.

Former Israeli president Moshe Katsav was quick to distance himself from
the behavior of the IDF. "I had nothing to do with this disgraceful
behavior. During my tenure in public service I was always an equal
opportunity rapist," stated Katsav.

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice stated, "This dehumanizing behavior
is exactly like the humiliation my people suffered for years under Jim
Crow laws."

Activist Jeff Halper noted, "This is yet another illustration of Zionist
apartheid in action."

The British union of steamfitters, hod carriers, journalists and sex
deviants voted to boycott Israel for its racist policy of not raping
Palestinian women. Noted one member, "It's outrageous. The Jew bastards
said they respect Palestinian women as mothers."

A Belgian court convicted IDF Chief of Staff Gabi Ashkenazi in absentia,
on a charge of high war crimes stemming from failure to order the rape of
three Palestinian women in 2006. If Ashkenazi ever visits Belgium, he
could be arrested and incarcerated for this crime.

In a press release, HRW head Kenneth Roth stated, "It is intolerable that
Israeli soldiers continue to not rape Palestinian Arab women with
impunity. More than any other army, the IDF is guilty of not raping or
mistreating civilians. Israel continues to ignore all world norms of
military conduct."

New Profile activist Dorothy Naor commented, "We call on all Israeli
soldiers to refuse service until the occupation army starts raping
Palestinian women. How can they ignore the human needs of Palestinian
women? We demand the right to equal rape for Palestinian women."

In Ha'aretz newspaper, Akiva Eldar commented, "Once again it has been
shown that while the government may want peace and friendly relations, the
military is sabotaging government policy. While the government is
promoting closer relations with Palestinians, the Army has been teaching
its soldiers to stay away from them."

Machsom watch volunteers commented, "We have been complaining about this
humiliating behavior at checkpoints for years. Time after time, luscious
female Palestine suicide bombers flaunt their charms at IDF soldiers, but
the callous IDF soldiers ignore them. There is no excuse. We will not
remain silent. This is truly dehumanizing."

Christian Peace Teams Hebron condemned the IDF policy. A CPT spokesperson
noted that non-rape of Palestinian women is typical of Jewish exclusivism.
She further noted and denounced the existence of the pernicious Ethical
Code of the IDF. "The only code anyone needs is the teachings of Jesus
Christ. If IDF followed Jesus this wouldn't be happening. He said 'Love
they neighbor as thyself.'"

In Al-Ahram, Khaled Amayreh condemned the failure of the Zionist
occupation forces to succumb to the charms of Palestinian women. "The
Jewish Talmud and the Chesronot Shas teach the evil Jews that goyim are
subhuman," charged Amayreh. Amayreh's story got top billing in the
Egyptian supported government paper. The US State Department asked
congress to double the US aid subsidy to Egypt.

[Note - Except for the actual study and its conclusions, (see Help! Rape!
) duly approved by the Hebrew university, this report is a satire. No
actual human rights activists were involved in creating this report except
yours truly.]

Cross posted: Israel News Middle East Analysis

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