Wednesday, April 29, 2009
61 things I Like about Israel - For Israel at 61
demand that Israel agree to a "two-state solution." They of course assume
that some sort of arrangement involving two states actually could serve as
a solution, as opposed to a plan for the annihilation of Israel in stages.
But hey, I am always up for a challenge. So here is my own proposal for
a workable two-state solution!
The Jews keep their state, and the Arabs give up 21 of their 22 states,
leaving them with one state, an dthen we would have a two-state SOLUTION!
2. 61 things I like best about Israel - for Israel's 61st birthday
>>
1. Israel is the only country in the world where people can read the Bible
and understand it.
2. Israel is the only country in the world where, if someone calls you a
"dirty Jew", it means you need a bath (old Efraim Kishon quip, but still
good).
3. Israel is the only country in the world where formal dress means a new
clean T-shirt, sandals and jeans.
4. Israel is the only country in the world where one need not check the
ingredients on the products in the supermarket to avoid ending up with
things containing pork.
5. Israel is a country where the same drivers who cuss you and flip you
the bird will immediately pull over and offer you all forms of help if you
look like you need it.
6. Israel is the only country in the world with Avihu Medina, Zohar Argov
and Daklon (godfathers of "Oriental Music").
7. Israel is the only country in the world with bus drivers and taxi
drivers who read Spinoza and Maimonides.
8. Israel is the only country in the world where you dare not gossip about
other people on the bus in Mandarin, Russian, Hindi, Lithuanian,
Hungarian, Polish or Romanian, lest others on the bus understand what you
are saying.
9. Israel is the only country in the world with northern European
standards of living and southern European weather. It is the only place on
earth with an Israeli spring, the most glorious time of year on the
planet.
10. Israel is the only country in the world where no one cares what rules
say when an important goal can be achieved by bending them.
11. Israel is the only country in the world where a pisher like me can
once in a while get invited to give a talk at the parliament, or can get
in to speak to a cabinet minister.
12. Israel is the only country in the world where reservists are bossed
around and commanded by officers, male and female, younger than their own
children.
13. Israel is the only country in the world with Eli Yatzpan (comedian).
14. Israel is the only country in the world where "small talk" consists of
loud, angry debate over politics and religion.
15. Israel is the only country in the world with Jerusalem, even if
Israeli leftists would like to turn it over to the barbarians.
16. Israel is the only country in the world where the coffee is already so
good that Starbucks went bankrupt trying to break into the local market.
17. Israel is the only country in the world where the mothers learn their
mother tongue from their children (old Efraim Kishon quip, but still
good).
18. Israel is the only country in the world where the people understand
Israeli humor.
19. Israel is the only country in the world where the news is broadcast
over the loudspeakers on buses, where people listen to news updates every
half hour, or whose people are capable of locating Bosnia and Macedonia on
a map of the world.
20. Israel is one of the few places in the world where the sun sets into
the Mediterranean Sea.
21. Israel is the only country in the world where, when people say the
"modern later era", they are referring to the time of Jesus.
22. Israel is the only country in the world whose soldiers eat three
sets of salads a day, none of which contain any lettuce (which is not
really a food), and where olives ARE a food and even a main course in a
meal, rather than something one tosses into a martini.
23. Israel is the only country in the world where one is unlikely to be
able to dig a cellar without hitting ancient archeological artifacts.
24. Israel is the only country in the world where the leading writers in
the country take buses.
25. Israel is the only country in the world where the graffiti is in
Hebrew.
26. Israel is the only country in the world where the "black folks"
walking around all wear yarmulkes.
27. Israel is the only country in the world that has a National Book Week,
during which almost everyone attends a book fair and buys books.
28. Israel is the only country in the world where the ultra-Orthodox Jews
beat up the police and not the other way around.
29. Israel is the only country in the world where inviting someone "out
for a drink" means drinking cola or coffee or tea.
30. Israel is the only country in the world where people who want to go up
in an elevator push the down button because they think this makes the
elevator come down to get them.
31. Israel is the only country in the world with white almond blossoms in
January, purple "Judas Tree" blossoms in March, and crocus flowers in
October.
32. Israel is the only country in the world where bank robbers kiss the
mezuzah as they leave with their loot.
33. Israel is the only country in the world with "Eretz Yisrael music".
34. Israel is one of the few countries in the world that truly likes and
admires the United States.
35. Israel is the only country in the world that introduces applications
of high-tech gadgets and devices, such as printers in banks that print out
your statement on demand, years ahead of the United States and decades
ahead of Europe.
36. Israel is the only country in the world that has the weather and
landscape of California without the earthquakes.
37. Israel is the only country in the world where everyone on a flight
gets to know one another before the plane lands. In many cases, they also
get to know the pilot and all about his health or marital problems.
38. Israel is the only country in the world where no one has a foreign
accent because everyone has a foreign accent.
39. Israel is the only country in the world where people cuss using dirty
words in Russian or Arabic because Hebrew has never developed them.
40. Israel is the only country in the world where patients visiting
physicians end up giving the doctor advice.
41. Israel is the only country in the world where everyone strikes up
conversations while waiting in lines.
42. Israel is the only country in the world where people choose which
books to read and which plays to see based on what they plan to discuss
with their friends in Friday evening "salon" get-togethers.
43. Israel is the only country in the world where hot water is an event
and not a condition ("in" joke; you have to live in Israel to figure it
out).
44. Krembos.
45. Israel is the only country in the world where people call an attache
case a "James Bond" and the "@" sign is called a "strudel".
46. Kumquats.
47. The obsession with sunflower seeds.
48. The kumzitz on the beach.
49. The people who eat watermelon with salt or with salty cheese. The
wagons with horses that still sell watermelons on the streets, screaming
"watermelon on the knife", whatever that means.
50. Israel is the only country in the world where kids read Harry Potter
in Hebrew.
51. Hyssop (za'atar).
52. Memorial Day in Israel is actually a day for remembering and not for
buying pool furniture at the mall.
53. Really, really good bread!
54. Israel is the only country in the world where there is the most
mysterious and mystical calm ambience in the streets on Yom Kippur, which
cannot be explained unless you have experienced it.
55. In Israel, kids can really sleep in a succah because it will not rain
on them.
56. Israel is the only country in the world where making a call to God is
a local call (old quip, still good).
57. Where you here Hebrew songs set to bazouki and Ood music.
58. Zohar Argov (yes, I know I already mentioned him, but he deserves a
second mention)
59. Sunsets in Jerusalem
60. Where people read English, write Hebrew, and joke in Yiddish
61. A Story:
A few years back, I took the kids to the Haifa beach promenade during
Passover, where they had French fries. While sitting there, some Russian
Jews who had not been in the country very long came and sat down. They
ordered some salads, and asked the Arab waiter to bring it to them with
Matzos because they did not want to eat Chometz during Passover. Then
they asked the Arab to also bring them beers. The Arab stood and
explained to them that it was not only bread that is Chometz but actually
beer is also considered chometz and so is also prohibited for consumption
by Jews during Passover. The Russians thanked him for explaining that to
them. I was reminded about the section in Pirkei Avot where it says one
must feel beholden and gratitutude to anyone who teaches one Torah or even
a single Hebrew letter. These Russian Jews were beholden to their Arab
waiter for teaching them Torah.
Only in Israel!
