Monday, May 02, 2011

An Open Letter from President Shimon Peres to President Barack Obama

1. An Open Letter from President Shimon Peres to President Barack Obama
Relayed to the world by Steven Plaut

Dear Mr. President,
I am shocked, Mister President, truly shocked. After all the hope you
have inspired for a new America, after your denunciation of American
arrogance, after your pledge to solve problems with the world's
terrorists through talking, here you go and order the American
imperial forces in Pakistan to violate the human rights of Osama bin
Laden. Your people killed him in cold blood - without so much as
reading him his Miranda rights!
Have you lost your senses? Why could you not have learned from the
lessons offered to you by Israel in its successful strategy to deal
with Palestinian activists and militants! What happened to your
promise to deal with all forms of Islamic activism in the world
through dialogue and civilized talking?
Mister President, I have a great amount of experience in dealing
successfully with terrorism and violence, and this is why I wish to
explain to you why your actions were unjustified and unforgivable.
The first thing you must realize is that one can only make peace with
one's enemies. With one's friends there is no need to make peace.
There is no military solution to the problems of terrorism, and this
is why you should have sought a diplomatic solution to the matter of
bin Laden's activities. "No Justice, No Peace," as they say. You
must now invite the leaders of al-Qaeda to the White House to seek to
reduce the passions of the conflict. You must learn to feel their
pain and understand their needs. But most importantly, you must end
the illegal occupation of territory that does not belong to you!
First, American colonial forces must be removed from Pakistan and
Afghanistan, where they are trampling upon human rights. Second, you
must withdraw from Guam and Hawaii and remove all the illegal
Anglo-Saxon settlers there. But that is just a beginning. Large
sections of the United States, including the Southwest, are illegally
occupied territories, stolen from Mexico. Some even have a Hispanic
majority. And of course you must release at once all captured
al-Qaeda militants in a goodwill peace gesture, including those being
held at Gitmo.
The ultimate solution is to create two states for two peoples inside
Illinois itself. One will be for the Americans and the other for the
activists of al-Qaeda.
Then there is the matter of the status of Washington, DC. As you
know, it has a sizeable Moslem minority, many of whom drive taxis.
Your selfish insistence that the District of Columbia remain American
is racist and insensitive. You must end the apartheid regime inside
America and turn Washington into the shared capital of two states.
Then you must pay compensation to the families of the Pakistanis
mercilessly killed in cold blood by your forces, including those
killed by Predator drones. You must grant them survivor benefits from
the American social security administration and lands inside
Yellowstone Park. This is not even the first time that you Americans
violated the civil rights of al-Qaeda members.
If you do not strike a peace deal with the current leaders of
al-Qaeda, they will be replaced by really violent terrorists! That
will just make things worse. You must offer the al-Qaeda leaders
Internet web services and five-star tourist hotels in exchange for
their promising to abandon violence. After all, that is how we turned
Yasser Arafat and the PLO into our peace partners. You see, military
force serves no role any more in the post-modern universe. It is
passé. It is archaic. Today, consumer interests dominate the world,
and the al-Qaeda activists of the earth will surely wish to make peace
in exchange for some profits from participating in global trade.
Begin by declaring a unilateral ceasefire! Mister President, blessed
is the peacemaker. Remember Martin Luther King! Go meet with the
legitimate representatives of the al-Qaeda organization. The entire
world will support you and congratulate you.
All we are saying is give peace a chance. Yitzhak Rabin would have
approved. Yes, chaver, what you need is shalom, salaam, peace. You
will be awarded a Nobel Peace Prize in recognition. Do not allow
yourself to be drawn down into the endless spiral of retaliation.
Violence never achieves anything.
History has no lessons. History is the dead past. Follow my example!
Provide al-Qaeda with anti-aircraft and anti-tank missiles so that
they can battle against the true radicals and extremists. And they
will do so with no ACLU or Supreme Court to restrain them!
Demonstrate your humanity by paying pensions to any widows and orphans
of the militants killed by your forces in Pakistan.
Mister President, my own peace policies have eliminated war, bloodshed
and terror from the Middle East. We now have only peace partners. If
you follow in my footsteps, you can achieve the same lofty goals.
Peacefully yours,
Shimon Peres, Peacemaker-at-Large

You may recall that after 911, Michael Lerner, the Rabbi-Impersonator
who publishes Tikkun Magazine, called on the world to feel Bin Laden's
pain. Lerner has always held a soft spot in his heart for bin Laden,
or in Mikey's jargon I guess he would be Rabbi Osama. Lerner has
long shown his admiration for bin Laden's agenda by denouncing
American (and Israeli) hegemonism, imperialism, and colonialism.
We assume that Lerner and all his "Tikkun" movement, including the
Waskovians of the "Renewal" ashrams, will be saying a special kaddish
for the tragic demise of Rabbi Osama.
Well, if bin Laden felt pain after 911, just imagine how much pain he
felt yesterday when US troops dispatched him to his 72 virgins!
I think you should send a condolence card or electronic "card" to
Michael Lerner, expressing your wish that he manage to overcome his
grief at the tragedy that took place in Pakistan and that he will no
longer have to cope with such sadness. You can email him at, that is – if your keyboard does not explode in
laughter when you type rabbilerner, or use this form:

3. Followup on the Olive Tree Atrocity:

4. I have only one complaint. Why was bin Laden's carcass dumped in
the sea instead of burying it in a pig skin???

Just one other thought. News reports are saying that along with bin
Laden, his own son was killed while the son was hiding behind a woman
he had grabbed and was using as a human shield. The US Navy SEALS
failed to spare the woman human shield and killed BOTH of them.

Now by the new rules of warfare invented for Israel, this makes the US
guilty of war crimes! A UN commission into the cold blooded murder
of the woman human shield must be launched at once, led by Justice
Goldstone. Palestinians who hide behind human shields and cause the
shields to get killed have long been the reason why Israel is
demonized and denounced as a war criminal. Sauce for the gosling
should be sauce for the seal!

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