Saturday, March 10, 2012

Killing anti-Semites to make Purim more Festive

Purim is the holiday in which Jews celebrate the killing of
anti-Semites. While it has been hijacked by the dark forces of
political correctness in recent years, who attempt to convert it into
anything from a day for women's liberation to Kum-ba-ya niceness among
peoples, it is clearly a day that commemorates the killing of
anti-Semites. It is not even the holiday of the rescue of Jews from
threats of annihilation. We know that from the date of Purim. The
actual rescue of the Jews was in the month of Sivan, about nine months
before Purim, when the writs of Hamas to massacre the Jews were
cancelled. The date of Purim is set for when the Jews finished
killing off the anti-Semites who had earlier threatened them. That,
indeed, is why "Shoshan Purim" in walled cities is a day later,
because the Jews there took an extra day to kill off the anti-Semites
near them.

Purim time is the best time of the year for killing anti-Semites.
That is why the cleaning operation in Gaza today was so spectacular,
in which 15 terrorhoids were dispatched to their virgins, including
Zuhair al-Qaissi, the arch-murderer commander of the Islamofascist
"Popular Resistance Committee," the group that kidnapped Gilad Shalit.
The anti-Semitic media are of course calling al-Qaissi a dead
"militant," as if all he ever did while alive was march to save the
whales. That is because the anti-Semitic media approve of terrorists
murdering Jews.

Any day in which vermin like al-Qaissi are killed is a Jewish holiday,
but in this case it fell right after Purim, Israeli children still
wearing their costumes, to make the celebrations all the more festive.

Now all that is left is to decide what to do with the murderer's
carcass. I have started to come up with ideas, but someone should
really put out a book about the 101 things to do with a dead
Islamofascist terrorist, based on that book about 101 things to do
with a dead cat.

Thirty Three Inspired Ideas of What to do with al-Qaissi's Carcass

1. Upset the environmentalists by using it to poison piranha fish.

2. Use it to help boost Purina's stock value.

3. One word: McNuggets.

4. Give it tenure at Ben Gurion University.

5. Fire it off into space so Barry Chamish's UFO friends will never want
to visit earth again.

6. Clone it and sell the spinoffs as 21st century scarecrows.

7. Pretend it is Rachel Corrie and run a bulldozer over it.

8. Save Holland by using it to plug the dikes.

9. Let it occupy Wall Street with a sign reading "Will Terrorize for

10. Market it as a carpet beater.

11. Let the US javelin team train on it for the Olympics.

12. Makes a great speed hump.

13. Tie it to a pole and use it as the bait at the dog race track.

14. Send it to the Harvard BDS leaders.

15. Enroll it in the Reconstructionist Rabbinical Seminary. Heck, it
already has taken more Rabbinic courses than Michael Lerner.

16. Halloween Decoration.

17. Clearicil could use it in its commercials to show what happens if
you use the inferior brand.

18. Export it to France as a wine supplement.

19. Sell it as organic produce in Berkeley.

20. Tie it to the back of cars for newlyweds in MTV commercials.

21. Use it to scare your kids when they refuse to clean their rooms.

22. Sell it as a Yigal Tomarkin original sculpture.

23. It gives people 101 reasons to prefer having a dead cat.

24. Use it to become the patron saint for dung beetles.

25. Sell it to that Museum in Sweden that ran the "Snow White Pure" sculpture.

27. Enter it in the Texas State Cow Chip Toss as the world's largest cow

28. Make it the drummer in a punk rock band. Or better yet, the drum.

29. Tell Anna Nicole Smith it is rich.

30. "Fear Factor" TV show could make people sit on a bench next to it.
31. Put it in an envelope and send him to the Elect Ralph Nader

32. Let Brandeis hire it for its peace and justice studies program.

33. Rent it to Cubans as a device to hold their place in the bread line
while they go off fishing.

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